Like Chivalry, Golf Etiquette May Be Dead
I will preface this by saying that the best round of my life was an 82 but I am currently preparing to play in my 13th straight S.N.F. Golf Tournament. Lately I’ve spent a little more time at the golf course which has led me to experience some crazy happenings. It may be a few months late but there still two or three months of good golf left so if you’re a golfer, scratch or hack, listen up.
There is something called golf etiquette. If you don’t know what it is or have never heard of it until right now, stop reading this right now and go sell your clubs on Craigslist.
Here are a few tidbits you may want to take notes on:
Attire- Basketball shorts are for basketball. Cutoff t-shirts are for working outside in the summer and cargo shorts are for 15 year olds. You can go buy a 10 dollar golf shirt at any store that sells clothing and a pair of golf shorts are much more. Have some respect for the damn game people we are a civilized society.
Slow play- If you are bad, admit it. No one cares if you suck at golf, really no cares. But what people care about is if you suck and you take forever. Trust me, I’m not a great golfer but one of the first golf lessons my dad taught me was no matter how good or bad you are don’t slow down your group or the groups behind you. And if you suck, don’t even think about playing from the tips.
Oh yeah...don’t cut in front of me in your sweaty jorts only to hook a ball 45 yards into the woods, then look at your club like it’s defective and then spend 10 more minutes looking for the ball as if you could find it. Again, we live in a civilized society jerk, have some damn respect for the game and others.
Six-somes- Unless it’s a crazy Saturday night in Vegas after a day that included alcohol and some other controlled substances, you should never experience these. This is partly on the folks in the clubhouse, they have to be better at their jobs.
Ball marks- It’s not that hard to fix a ball mark on the green and the same goes for fairway divots. If you can spend time making seven practice swings saying with each “That’s not it. Nope not that one. Yep there it is” only to swing completely opposite of how your practiced you have 20 seconds to fix your ball mark or go pick up your divot and replace it. Some courses don’t want you to replace them, they would rather you put down sand, fine, but do it.
Bunkers (speaking of sand)- This one is for the course superintendents. Why aren’t your bunkers raked daily? How hard is it to take a gator and attach a grate to the back and drag the bunkers each morning when you are handling other duties? This isn’t hard and it makes a world of difference. If a golfer can walk in your bunker and there aren’t any foot prints you’re doing golf ALL wrong.
Alcohol/Controlled Substances- Listen I love to throw back a case of High Life just as much as the next guy and I love to relax on the course with a few cold ones and a cigar. But this isn't a frat party. Like at a bar, if you can't handle your booze get the hell out.
Are these all the issues of the golf world? Nope. Not even close. However, if you get people to follow these we will be on the right track.
Have fun out on the course. Tee it high and let it fly but remember it’s not how you drive it’s how your arrive and everyone knows you drive for show but putt for dough.