Bathroom Etiquette

Here are a few bathroom rules I try to live by:

So I just went to the restroom and as I approached the door I heard to male voices talking. I figured they were in there washing their hands and having a normal “Hey Bob, how are things over there in accounting?” conversation. That would have been normal and acceptable. What I heard and saw was not. I walked in opening the door slowly because if you open it with any force you’re liable to knock out whomever is drying their hands (awful construction work there), when I walked in no one was standing there. I immediately looked at the floor and saw a man using the first stall, and since there was no one using the urinal I figured the third stall was taken and it was. This is where things get weird, both men were having a conversation while they were sitting on the porcelain palace. For the record neither of them were co-workers of mine they were from one of the other companies in the building.

So this brought me to something I never thought I would have to discuss because I thought these were ruled every guy already knew.

Here are a few bathroom rules I try to live by:

5) Keep It Clean- Wash your hands or if I can’t see you at least run the water and act like you’re washing them. I’m already suspicious of everyone I work with this just adds to the worry.

4) Be Courteous- No need to try and stink the place up with your rancid smell and there is no need to brag to everyone about what you just did. Please flush.

3) Make Sure IT Flushed- When you are done and you flush, make sure it all went down. Not many things worse than going to the bathroom and walking in with a toilet filled with toilet paper and well you know…

2) Less Talk More Pee- When I go to the bathroom it’s for two reasons A) I have to go to the bathroom or B) I need to take a nap (next time you are dragging and need a few minutes of shut eye, go to the bathroom and sit on the pot and close your eyes for a few minutes). Talking is not something I want to do. If it’s a simple “Hi” or “Hey what’s going on?” that’s fine but conversations should never last more than 20 10 seconds.

1) Urinal Buffer- If you come in and there are two urinals you bet your ass I expect you to go use the stall. If there are three urinals, the first person is expected to use one of the urinals on the ends leaving the middle urinal open. It is completely unacceptable to use the middle urinal. The only exception is if you are in a crowded bathroom i.e. ball game or bar it is then acceptable to use the buffer urinal.

Do you agree? Do you disagree? Do you wish to add to the list? Feel free to comment below.

I will add that the my boss pushed the limits this morning with a 19 second conversation.