Why The Patriots Signing Tebow Scares Me

Kind Of

I’ve said this at least a thousand times since Tim Tebow was drafted by the Broncos, he’s not a good football player. I stand by that statement.

But on Monday afternoon when I heard the news that the Patriots signed Tebow I almost second-guessed myself. Almost. I thought for the quickest of seconds, that maybe I was wrong? Maybe Tim Tebow isn’t as bad as I thought? Maybe Tim Tebow was just on crappy teams? Maybe Tim Tebow just never had the proper professional coaching or was never given a fair chance? Maybe Timmy WAS a winner and didn’t just get lucky? The key words here are almost and maybe. You see even though I questioned everything I believed in about Tim Tebow, I reminded myself this; he is not good at football.

Bill Belichick hasn’t made many bad decisions since landing in New England back in 2000. In fact, he’s made so many good decisions that you don’t ever think about the bad ones if there were any. I’m not a fan of Belicheck but I respect the hell out of him as a coach and you can’t deny the success he has had with a roster that seems to be changing its role players more frequently than I change my boxers (that’s right ladies I am a boxer man, you’re welcome). But did Bill make a mistake on this one? I doubt it. I’d be willing to bet the Patriots have something up their sleeve. Either they think he can serve a purpose or they are so cocky they have tricked themselves into believing they can be the ones to make Tim Tebow a star. Maybe they will find a spot for him on the roster that doesn’t include taking snaps as a quarterback and we can finally have an answer to the question, “Can Tim Tebow be converted to a tight end”?

I trust in both my beliefs and the track record of the Patriots that Tebow will not play in New England because you know, he’s not good. And if by some miracle (and it would be a miracle) Bill Belichick is able to turn Tim Tebow into a quarterback I will be in the front row of the First Church of Belichick expecting to see him turn water into wine or more bad football players into good ones.

Oh by the way… I hope the Patriots put Tebow’s locker next to Gronk’s. Can you imagine that? You would have Tebow’s Christian version of Pedro Ceranto’s locker while Gronk is getting lap dances from strippers while taking body shots. Recipe for success or at least a Tim Tebow mental breakdown.